Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
