I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
