I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
North Korea, Best Korea!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
