I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
