I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
