He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
me + whiskey = a bad person
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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