Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
