she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
