i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
