Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
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I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
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She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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