Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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