I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
