I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
