i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
