I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
