You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
