New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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