I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
