you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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