pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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