you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
