i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
