people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
