I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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