Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
