I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
