Whod you bang
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
