i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
that may or may not have been my penis.
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