nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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