Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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