The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
it's like heaven, but drunker
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
