his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
