I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
