I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
