she kept yelling 'call me bella'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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