i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
