Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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