my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
