You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
