Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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