Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
