The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
