if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
