I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
