i already hear my dad disowning me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
