Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
as a side note pls kill me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
