It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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