Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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