when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You are a genius and a whore.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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