I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
