allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
one might say we're banned from that church
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
