i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
