or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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