she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
