The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
