Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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