well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
