I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
