Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
