His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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