He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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