I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
