I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
