Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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