BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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