Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
